A salad I got at work

I got the chef salad, but the chef is apparently, like, 5 years old.
The boiled egg still had shell on it (gross) and the cheese turned out just to be chopped-up sandwich slices.
Also, stalks made up more than a third of the lettuce.

When I was a kid, I made my mom a salad using cabbage instead of lettuce, 'cause come on, when you're a kid, they're the same thing, right?I was so proud of it, and she winced her way through eating some of it to make me feel better? But I still have to think that was better than this ...