True-life grandmother drama

My grandmother has always been a couple bubbles off plumb, and completely insane about any topics having anything to do with sex. When I was about 7 or 8, she told me that I should always put a phone book down before sitting on a man's lap.
And she's firmly convinced - and will tell anyone who will listen - that men get ahead in the world "because of that thing between their legs."
Once, she decided to tell me all about how doctors can do plastic surgery on hymens "so that there are all these women walking around who've had sex, but have this surgery so they can pretend to be virgins."
I don't know what prompted her to tell me that, but I was tempted to tell her about all the dolls I had when I was a kid who were nudists and only got dressed when she came to visit.